he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
