that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
