how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
