"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
