Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
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