According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
