I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
