I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
