Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My life is pants optional.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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