I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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