Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
