its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
