Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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