you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
