How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
