Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
