Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(317): View more from Indiana

So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?

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(219): View more from Indiana

community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose

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(573): View more from Missouri

his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"

(314): View more from Missouri

did it work

(573): View more from Missouri

that's not the point...

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(604): View more from British Columbia

We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.

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(972): View more from Texas

Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.

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(513): View more from Ohio

he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...

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(423): View more from Tennessee

You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.

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