oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
