so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
