That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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