then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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