All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
