yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
