My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
