ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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