He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Randomize
