i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
