We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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