I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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