I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize