well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
