Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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