nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
