Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Dear god my vagina.
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