i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So I just went to clothing optional bar
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize