on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
