I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
