How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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