did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
