apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
