Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
