it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
