Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize