I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
