:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
