you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
