Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
