there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Found your dick twin last night
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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