he puts the penis in happiness.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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