oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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