he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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