your thong is hanging out like whoa
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize