So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
