the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
