guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
