Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize