I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
