Whod you bang
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
