Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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