There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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