wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
zippers are such a cool invention
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
