nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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