We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
