Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
