I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
