I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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