Who wears a wallet chain?!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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