I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
