Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
