Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
