pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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