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Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
